Now available to cyclists: the secret products which have been making our roads safer for years!
Thanks to the resurgence in cycling caused by London congestion charges a number of products previously available only to car drivers can now be economically marketed to cyclists. Be the first on u.r.c to benefit from these fantastic safety products! Become a Safe Rider without modifying your behaviour!
CageGlass™Previously available only in car windscreens, Polkington® CageGlass™ has long been a road safety secret. Available now for the first time in cycling goggles, CageGlass™ allows cyclists to share these fantastic benefits previously available only to motorists:
- see round corners, avoiding unnecessary braking
- see clearly in fog, rain and snow allowing you to maintain full speed in all conditions
- renders internal misting and external frost invisible - fantastic on those cold winter mornings when a fast getaway is all important
- remains crystal clear however cracked and scratched, even when covered with old car park tickets, empty licence holders and "Documents Enclosed" wallets
With new CageGlass™ goggles you will be able to ride faster in all conditions*, shaving valuable seconds off your journeys!
* May cause death or serious injury to bystanders
Watch out for these other fabulous products coming soon:
- Stunlop® Maxigrip™ tyres - no loss of grip in wet or icy conditions1! Corner without the need to slow down! Brake at the last minute with no fear of skidding!
- Shite-axe® Megaweb® - a two inch band of this woven miracle fibre over your right shoulder renders you impervious to harm, allowing you to go even faster without endangering anyone2!
- New Driverbeer™ contains top-secret Cagerhol® instead of alcohol! Patented Cagerhol®, developed by chemists over a period of several decades, enhances your driving ability with every milligram so you can drive safely after three or even four pints of full strength Driverbeer3!
1 may require Classphalt Super Rainproof All-Weather road surfaces, from as little as £1,320,405.00 per square foot - insist on the best, you've paid for it!
2 except other people
3 Warning: police breath testing equipment cannot yet detect the difference between Cagerhol® and regular alcohol, so if challenged you are advised to decline to give a sample. |